Mutants and Other Strangeness
by Courier999
Summary: April O'Neil was an ordinary lab assistant…now she's in over her head with conspiracies, an American branch of a ninja clan, aliens and extradimensional invaders, and conspiracies galore. Her allies: a ninja master turned into a humanoid rat, his four adopted sapient turtle sons, and a vigilante in a hockey mask. Based on multiple incarnations of TMNT. R&R!
1. Chapter 1

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES- Mutants and Other Strangeness

 _Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles_ is property of Mirage Comics and Viacom. This is an attempt to create an "Ultimate TMNT" by combining elements of the 1987, 2003, and 2012 series, along with bits and pieces of related properties.

Chapter 1: Nine to Five

"Hello? Anyone home?"

April O'Neil glanced around the main room of her apartment to see it apparently deserted.

"Irma? I'm back from work-"

There was a soft sound of sobbing from a far corner of the room.

 _Yep, she's here._

April set down a paper grocery bag and strode to the old couch that sat near the TV set. Beneath a mass of blankets and clutching a quart-sized tub of ice cream was her roommate, one Irma Langinstein. Tissues littered the floor in front of the couch.

"You okay?"

Irmaa loudly blew her nose.

"No, I'm not! I can't believe he'd be that much of a cad- showing me up at our dinner date, and then I find out he's been cheating on me for months!" she bawled, tears running down her face in abundance.

April took a deep breath.

"Irma, it's not the end of the world. Just because that Vernon guy was a USDA grade-A SOB doesn't mean you have to sit around watching _Outer Limits_ reruns while going through…"

April's eyes noticed an abundance of emptied ice cream containers of varying sizes lying on the floor.

"Irma, tell me you didn't empty the freezer of ice cream. Because I had a tough day at work-"

"What kind of tough day?"

By this point, April had gravitated over to the freezer, noticing that Irma hadn't dared touch the cookies and cream.

"Let's start from the beginning. First, my train had a surprise shakedown visit from the Purple Dragons, meaning I was late for work. Then when I got to my lab station, Doctor Stockman told me to report to the main conference room for a meeting with his investors, and that took up the entire day. Oh, and I found out that the entire team on the Mouser project is going to be working all this weekend to meet the deadline!"

After this brief tirade, April sighed in frustration.

"You wanna do a girl's night out? It'd do us both some good."

"Anywhere you want to go?"

"There's a nice little club near the TGRI building called Ribofunk. I hear they've got good drinks."

Irma perked up.

"Well, let's go there."

* * *

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Before you ask, April and Irma are just roommates. And in case you're wondering about the title, it's a reference to _Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Other Strangeness_ , which is a pen-and-paper RPG first published by Palladium in 1985 (and thus based on the original Mirage comics- even featuring art by Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird themselves) and is _long_ out of print.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Welcome to Ribofunk

" _You're on the cover of every magazine/You show your private life behind the silver screen! I'm your find, I'm the moving target/on the town it's hit and run! After shot, I thought you'd come undone!_ " the speakers blared.

"C'mon, Irma- sing it!" April said, her voice indicating she'd had a fair few drinks.

"Um…"

"Caught in a photoplay! Living in masquerade! Flash in the night— photoplay!" April belted out.

Irma looked around the decor of the club. The place looked like it had come out of an '80s cyberpunk flick, while the patrons consisted of a motley mass of scientists, technicians, and tourists with more money than they knew what to do with. Just then, her gaze wandered towards the booth where her roommate had been sitting mere minutes ago.

"April? Where-"

" _Whoo hoo! Look at me go!_ "

Irma turned around to face Ribofunk's dance floor and saw April on it, her "dancing" bearing an uncanny resemblance to the flailings of an epileptic giraffe.

 _Oh God…this is going to make for awkward times for her at work tomorrow._

" _Don't stop yet, ladies and gents! Here's another track- Guns N' Roses, courtesy of DJ Venus D. Milo, performing live at Ribofunk!_ "

A familiar set of opening notes began to play.

"April, please don't-"

" _Welcome to the jungle! We got fun 'n games!_ "

"…sing."

* * *

STOCKTRONICS OFFICES:

" _Doctor Stockman? Call for you._ "

Baxter Stockman looked up from the papers on his desk.

"Who is it?"

" _It's Mr. Saki._ "

"Patch him through."

Stockman picked up the phone.

"Yes?"

" _Doctor Stockman, we need to discuss the Mousers._ "

"What about them?"

" _I need you to run a field test for me tonight. I'll fax you the coordinates of where they need to go._ "

* * *

"Irma, I've been thinking…" April began.

"About what?"

"Think about all the underground stuff that keeps our city running smoothly. You ever wonder if there're things living down there?"

"Rats and cockroaches."

"Besides those. You ever wonder if there's anything intelligent that lives full-time down there?"

"Not particularly, April. Now let's go home. You've got a big day at work tomorrow."

* * *

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

"DJ Venus D. Milo" is a reference to the character Venus De Milo from the _TMNT: The Next Mutation._ In that program, Venus was the fifth and female member of the Ninja Turtles. Neither the character nor the show is fondly remembered, and Venus has been pretty much consigned to the memory hole ever since. Remember this connection- it'll be important later in this fic.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Instruments of Destruction

THE NEXT DAY:

"Morning, April. Have a good sleep?"

April groggily nodded as she shambled to the coffee maker.

 _It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed, the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning-_

"You do realize some of us _also_ want to use that, right?"

April looked down and saw she'd been drinking straight from the pot.

"Sorry." she mumbled, sheepishly putting the vessel back down.

Irma sighed and turned on the news.

" _Good morning, New York. This is Tammy Tamlin, from Channel 6 News. In today's top story- city officials have found themselves in a bind following the sudden and unexpected collapse of a number of subterranean infrastructure installations, namely a storm drain and nearby subway tunnel. As of press time, the city has not made any formal comment as to potential causes-_ "

April turned the set off and sighed.

"Of all the times my bike had to be in the shop…" she grumbled.

"I can give you a ride." Irma piped up.

* * *

ABOUT AN HOUR OR SO LATER:

"You're late, Miss O'Neil."

April looked up at a lean and bespectacled black man in a bluish lab coat.

"Sorry, Doctor Stockman. Traffic was murder today, what with the subway disruption-"

"I see. Meet me at Langen's lab in 10 minutes. He's been barking at me for three hours- says there's something wrong with the Mousers."

"Got it, Doctor."

* * *

To the outside observer, Elias Langen's lab bore an uncanny resemblance to a scrapyard, thanks in no small part to the various pieces of Mouser robot cluttering the area.

"So, what's the problem you've been banging on about?" Stockman snapped.

"Results from last night's sudden test run, that's what. None of the bots have rodent remains in the storage cavities, but most of them seem to have taken up a diet of consisting of steel, dirt, and concrete."

"Can we check their data logs?" April asked.

"Did- and there's something fishy. It's like there're holes in them."

"Probably just a glitch. I'll have some of the other techies look into it."

And with that, Stockman left the room.

"O'Neil, you got a moment?" Langen asked.

"What is it?"

"It's the Mousers. 'Better mousetrap' and 'solution to the city's ever-growing rat problem', my ass. Call me paranoid, but I don't think the problems I've found are pure accidents- especially after that collapse last night."

"What do you want me to-"

"You're Stockman's pet lab assistant. See if you can't find anything."

Just then, April's walkie-talkie went off.

" _Miss O'Neil, report to Mouser Control._ "

* * *

A FEW MINUTES LATER:

"How did we lose half the Mousers?" April asked as she looked over her workstation's screen.

"Again, must be a computer glitch in the tracking software. Or maybe some of the units got caught in the collapse. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a meeting with a very important financial backer. Ta."

 _Sure you do._ April thought as her boss strutted out of the control room.

" _Stockman, we need to talk._ "

"About what, Mister Saki?"

" _The field test last night. Based upon what I've been seeing on the news, it looks as if it was something of a failure. And you know how I feel about failures!_ "

"Which is why you'd make a lousy scientist. I'm already working on alterations for the Mousers as we speak."

" _Do not disappoint me, Stockman! My patience is a finite resource!_ "

Outside the office, April had been listening in on the whole conversation.

 _If this Saki guy is one of the investors, how come he wasn't at the meeting yesterday?_ she thought as she walked away from the door.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Tell No Tales

THAT NIGHT:

"See you tomorrow, Miss O'Neil. Don't work too late." Stockman said as he left his office.

April nodded from her workstation, one eye tracking her boss.

 _And he's gone. Now, time to see what's_ really _going on_.

She rose up from her station, dashed over to Stockman's office, and sat down before her boss's private terminal.

"…left himself logged in…talk about a rookie mistake…" she muttered.

Her eyes scanned the screen as she went through Stockman's files, eventually focusing on an icon that looked like a stylized "足".

 _Let's see what this does_.

April clicked, and a portion of the office wall slid away to reveal a hidden elevator.

"Curiouser and curiouser." she mumbled under her breath as she entered the elevator car.

* * *

A few minutes passed before the elevator reached its destination. As April stepped out, she was stunned by what she saw. Before her eyes was a colossal facility, apparently devoted to producing Mousers, if the machinery in the background was anything to go by.

 _Okay…this is getting weird. Not only are there more Mousers than needed to deal with the city's rat problem, something tells me they're not being made for other cities. What're you up to, Stockman?_

A quick scan of her surroundings yielded a nearby computer console. In her rush to access it, April failed to notice a floor-level silent motion sensor.

 _Time to see what's really-_

"Miss O'Neil."

The hairs on the back of April's neck rose up, and she practically jumped out of her skin.

"Doctor Stockman, you've got a lot of explaining to do. What's really going-"

Before she could finish her statement, April was grabbed by a mechanized arm.

"It's none of your concern. However, I'm afraid you've seen too much, and you know the saying 'loose lips sink ships'."

"Am I fired?"

"In a matter of speaking. Don't worry- I'll be sure to let your next of kin know that tragic workplace accidents happen and that they have my sympathies." Stockman sneered.

The arm flung April into a small bay filled with Mousers. And in that moment, she ran for her life.

" _You can run, but you can't hide!_ "

As the horde of robots pursued her, April noticed a lever and pulled down. A panel of the wall slid away, and she ran into the city storm drains, the Mousers hot on her heels. Panic overtaking her mind, she ran deeper and deeper into the labyrinth, the whine of servo motors and snapping metallic jaws echoing through her ears.

 _Think I lost them…think I lost them…think I—_ she thought as she reached what she thought was safety.

It was at that moment when a duo of Mousers rounded the corner, prompting April to flee once again. The minute she tried to round another corner, she was met by another duo of Mousers. Running on sheer instinct, she bolted down a relatively straight tunnel…and promptly tripped and fell midway down it. As she backed away from the robots, she found the tunnel was a dead end. And in that moment, April screamed as one of them lunged in for the kill.

Suddenly, the Mouser was smashed by what looked like a wooden staff. Another was sliced, a third bashed by what seemed to be a nunchuck, and the fourth was cut in half. April looked up to see four large figures standing before her.

"Thank you! Thank you so much! You saved my…" she gasped.

The figures walked in closer. In the dim light of the storm drain, April noticed that they weren't quite normal.

" _Hey! How ya doin'?_ " one of them asked.

The figure leaned in, giving April a good look at it. The being standing before her resembled a large humanoid turtle, wearing little but a weapons belt containing a set of nunchucks, elbow, knee, and wrist protection, and an orange bandana tied up as a headband. And in that moment, April fainted.

"…can we keep her?" the figure asked as he picked the unconscious April up in a bridal carry.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: In The Hall of the Ninja Turtles

When April came to, she immediately took stock on her surroundings. Wherever her rescuers had taken her, it was noticeably drier than the storm drains. It was also fairly spacious and well-lit, and looked to be an abandoned subway station. An oddly well-kept abandoned subway station, but an abandoned subway station nonetheless. Presently, she was lying on a largish couch, with a good-sized blanket covering her.

 _Who'd live-_

"You're awake."

April turned and saw the four figures from earlier. In the brighter light of the subway station, she could now clearly see that they were, in fact, humanoid turtles. Nearby was a similarly humanoid rat with brown fur, clad in a reddish kimono. She took a deep breath.

"Who or what _are_ you?" she asked.

The rat turned around.

"I shall explain. The story of my young friends and I is really that of a man named Hamoto Yoshi."

April nestled into the couch.

"Go on." she said.

"In Japan, there is a ninja clan known as the Foot. Hamoto Yoshi was their teacher of the warrior ways of enlightenment. He was a quiet man, who loved his art. But there was one student who sought to usurp control of the Foot- Oroku Saki."

April raised her hand.

"What happened?"

"Saki betrayed Yoshi and took over the Foot, and Yoshi fled to America. To evade his enemies, he hid in the tunnels beneath the city. His sole companions were the rats…until the day four infant turtles fell down the drain."

"Get the feeling this is going somewhere?" one of the turtles snarked.

The rat glared at his cohort.

"Anyways, Yoshi lived a simple life, but that was suddenly upended one day when he returned to his home in one of the pump stations. The four turtles had been covered in a glowing purple slime. As Yoshi soon learned, the slime was a powerful mutagen. It caused whoever touched it to take on the form of whatever animal they had most recently been in contact with. The turtles started becoming human, but Yoshi had most recently been in contact with the rats."

Just then, it all clicked.

"Then you are-"

"Yes. I am Hamoto Yoshi. The turtles you see are my adopted sons, Miss…"

"O'Neil. April O'Neil."

One of the turtles walked up to April. She noticed that the reptile in question had a blue headband.

"Pleasure to meet you. My name is Leonardo. The one with the red headband is Raphael, the one looming over the computer terminal is Donatello, and the one who you met when we rescued you is Michelangelo."

As if on cue, Michelangelo gave a friendly wave.

"Miss O'Neil, we find ourselves at your mercy. For obvious reasons, we have not revealed ourselves to the surface world. To that end, we must ask if you can keep our secret."

"I will, Mister Yoshi."

"Call me Splinter. My sons do."

April nodded.

"So, now that we've got the introductions out of the way, I've got a question for you." Raphael piped up.

"Ask away."

"What was a gal like you doing in the storm drains being pursued by those Mouser 'bots?"

April blinked.

"How do y-"

"Saw the press release on TV earlier today. That and they trashed our old place last night." Donatello replied.

"You mean that storm drain collapse-"

"Yep."

* * *

" _Are you sure the interloper has been eliminated?_ "

"Positive, Mister Saki. Those Mousers've undoubtedly turned her into hamburger by now-"

" _Good. We may proceed with Phase 2 of the plan, assuming that Hun and his people aren't suffering any complications._ "


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: Stockman's Downfall, Part 1

A FEW DAYS LATER:

" _Good morning, New York. This is Tammy Tamlin, Channel 6 News. In today's top story, a robbery spree continues to envelop the Big Apple. While the notorious street gang known as the Purple Dragons terrorizes openly, an unknown thief has taken to emptying bank vaults from below-_ "

April paused the broadcast, her attention drawn to a detail on the floor of the televised bank vault.

"Is that a-"

"Yep. That's a Mouser footprint." Raphael said.

April sighed.

"So, now what do we do?"

"We go topside and take Stockman down, that's what. Bastard needs to pay for what he did to our old lair and to you."

"It's not that easy. The building's got bleeding-edge security systems-"

Michelangelo cleared his throat.

"You're forgetting we've got an amazing techno-turtle here… _DONATELLO_!" he proclaimed.

April then remembered something.

"I think I know someone who might be able to help us on this one as well…"

* * *

MURAKAMI'S NOODLE SHOP- THAT AFTERNOON:

"April? Where've you been for the past couple days? And why do you smell like you swam in a storm drain?"

April looked across the table at Langen.

"It's a long story. Right now, I need your help. I've reason to suspect Doctor Stockman's involved with those robberies, and I need an inside man at Stocktronics to get past the security systems."

"…not sure I can do that. I mean, you have any proof-"

"You see Channel 6 this morning? One of the bank vaults had a Mouser footprint in it." April whispered.

Langen nodded.

"I'll see what I can do."

* * *

In the concealed portion of the Stocktronics building, Stockman looked over the spoils that the Mousers had brought in from the day's heists. On a nearby video screen was the image of a hulking, heavily muscled figure with blond hair and dressed like a street tough.

"Gaze upon my efforts and despair, Hun! My subtlety and subterfuge has paid more than you and your Dragons' reliance on brute force conceivably could!"

" _Easy for you to say. You don't have to deal with a meddling vigilante in a hockey mask busting up your operations._ "

"That wouldn't be an issue if you kept to the shadows instead of causing mayhem in broad dayl-"

" _I don't know what's bigger, Stockman: my body or your head._ " Hun snarked before hanging up.

* * *

"And…done. We've poked out Stockman's underground eye."

April looked at the source of the sound. Before her was Donatello, kneeling in front of a security panel embedded in one of the storm drain walls. A boxy device with a pair of wires running out from it had been connected to the panel's circuitry, while its testudinal operator pounded away on the keyboard with a seemingly unlikely degree of dexterity.

"You sure about that?"

"Positive." Donatello testily replied.

"Ya know I could've just cut the wire." Raphael piped up, readying his sais.

"Yeah, and then Stockman would be tipped off when one of his setups suddenly stopped broadcasting." April replied.

Donatello looked up from his device.

"Quick FYI- just because the sensor's out doesn't necessarily mean we have a way in. The entrance here in the storm drain seems to be secured via maglock. It'll take us a-"

Raphael threw a sai at another electronic panel, and a massive stainless steel door suddenly opened.

"Or we can just cut the power." Leonardo said.

There was a whooping noise in the background from Michelangelo.

"See that? We are the ultimate badasses! State of the badass art! You do not want to mess with us! Me and my-" the youngest member of the quartet rambled.

"Mikey, you have until the count of three to stop running that trap of yours." Raphael butted in.

Leonardo sighed.

"Can we get this show on the road?" he and April asked in unison.

* * *

AUTHOR'S NOTES:

Michelangelo's little rant is a reference to the "Ultimate badass" speech from _Aliens_ as delivered by the late Bill Paxton. Also, the name of April's inside man is a dual reference to the 1990 _TMNT_ movie, which was written by one Todd W. Langen and starred Elias Koteas as Casey Jones. Additionally, Murakami's Noodle Shop is a nod to the 2012 version of the Turtles.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7: Stockman's Downfall, Part 2

"Well, here we are. Stockman's secret facility." April said as she and the Turtles stepped into the massive gunmetal gray chamber littered with various pieces of machinery on the other side of the maglocked door.

"Where's the man himself? I'm hankerin' to go medieval on his ass for what he did to the old pl-" Raphael asked.

"With any luck, he's being distracted by our inside man." came the reply.

* * *

" Langen, what're you going on about?" Stockman asked.

"I've got reason to suspect someone's using the Mousers for illegal activity, and as one of the project heads-"

Stockman clucked his tongue.

"Elias, you want to know what I think of your accusations? Four words: this is bad comedy. The gall to suggest that the Mousers have been-"

Just then, Stockman's pager went off.

"Yes?"

" _Doc, we've got a glitch in the security system. The setup on the lower levels isn't responding-_ "

"I'll check it out myself."

He then turned to face Langen.

"We'll continue this discussion later."

 _Hope I bought you enough time, April._ Langen thought as his boss walked away.

* * *

"So, where are all those stinkin' robots?"

"Probably out in the field, Raphael."

"April, Raph- we're on a schedule here, so I'd advise you two stop chatting and get to work." Leonardo piped up.

Just then, the doors of the control room overlooking the chamber opened, and Stockman entered.

" _Just what is- April? What…how—the Mousers—"_ he said over the intercom

"Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated, _boss_."

Stockman's gaze then focused on the Turtles.

" _Who're your friends, Miss O'Neil? Freaks in rubber suits? Guess I'll find out when I do an autopsy on them._ "

Raphael drew his sais from his belt.

"Show's over, Stockman. We're coming in there, and we're—"

" _Wrong. I've just recalled all the Mousers. They'll be here_ very _shortly, so enjoy your last moments of existence._ "

Leonardo unsheathed his twin katanas.

"April, we'll hold them off. You go and get the dirt on Stockman."

"But—"

"No 'buts', lady! We can handle ourselves against these turkey-sized Terminator ripoffs, you can't, so we'll cover you, end of story!" Raphael snapped.

April reluctantly nodded as she climbed the ladder to the catwalk where the control room was located. And it was at that moment that the Mousers came barreling in.

"You wanna dance? Then let's dance!" Raphael exclaimed, brandishing his sais before lunging at the nearest Mouser.

* * *

 _Can't just let them go out like that need to stop the Mousers need to stop the Mousers_ April thought as her fingers flew across the terminal's keyboard like an organist at their own keyboard, the staccato clicks of the keys conjuring up readouts and command prompts.

 _One of these has got to be the shutdown command. C'mon c'mon-_

Out of the corner of her eye, April noticed Stockman making a run for it.

 _You son of a-_

"APRIL, WE'RE GETTING OVERRUN HERE!" Leonardo shouted, his voice barely audible over the din of the Mousers.

In a pique of frustration, April entered the first command line she could think of and hit 'enter'. Almost as soon as she did so, the Mousers stopped, and the Turtles rushed up to their savior.

"Whoo hoo! In your face, robo-turkey! In your face!" Michelangelo whooped, kicking a Mouser over in celebration.

"Guys, I didn't shut them down." April said.

"They look pretty shut down to me." Michelangelo replied.

"I stopped them by giving them an overload command. While there _should_ be emergency countermeasures to prevent them from exploding-"

"How big a boom we talking here?" Raphael asked.

"At least the equivalent of a frag grenade. Those things run on lithium-ion batteries-"

"Then let's book it!" Michelangelo exclaimed.

* * *

As he walked down the corridor to the elevator, Stockman heard a handful of muffled explosions from the Mouser facility.

 _Well, that could have gone better. What were those t-_

Just then, he bumped into a towering mass of muscle.

"Doctor Stockman, I presume?"

Stockman looked up and saw Hun.

"What brings you-"

"Saki sent me here. Says he wants to talk with you."

There was another explosion.

"Judging by the sounds from your little factory floor, I'd recommend you find a small clean cloth and a really sharp knife. If you can't…well, Mister Saki'll be more than happy to provide them."


End file.
